Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
