Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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