Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
