i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
