It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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