That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
