there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
