there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
