You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
