i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize