I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
