The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Green mimosas i think yes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
