So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
