you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So apparently I’m into choking now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
