Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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