I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
