Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize