I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
