We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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