I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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