i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
