everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
