i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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