So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
