Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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