she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
