i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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