he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
