Pappa wants mamma naked
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
