PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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