Is it normal to miss your booty call?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize