I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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