You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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