there was a trapeze. enough said
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
