I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
