Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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