the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
this hospital has no fireball
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
