47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
