Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
