I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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