If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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