No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
