i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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