the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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