Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
