it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize