I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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