piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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