i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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