I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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