Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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