apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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