You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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