I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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