i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
