She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
