Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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