this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
