Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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