i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
