either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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