CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
