Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
